“I could neeeever foster… I would just get too attached!”
What does that even mean? No seriously. What does “too attached” mean? Or are you implying that we don’t get attached? Or that we don’t have the emotional capacity that you do?
I’m truly not tying to be rude or sound harsh… but we get told this line allllllllllll the stinking time. “I’d get too attached”.
So. I’d love to spend a few minutes talking about attachment.
The dictionary defines attached in two ways…
1. joined, fastened, or connected to something or someone.
2. full of affection or fondness.
I love both of these and I think they both pertain to the attachment that our sweet kids need, what they crave, what they deserve.
Yes. We get attached. Yes, we let our guard down. Yes, we let them into our hearts. Yes, it is heartbreakingly difficult to let them go when it is time. Yes, it is even more difficult when we don’t feel it’s a good or the right situation we’re saying goodbye for them to go to.
But does that stop us from attaching? Hell no.
Sorry for my bluntness. But NO! That is PART of the beauty of foster care! We GET to attach to these kids. We GET to show them what love is, what it looks like, what it sounds like, what it feels like. We GET to teach them that there is a different way of parenting. We GET to teach them that they deserve to be attached to. We GET to teach them what it means to be a son or daughter in our family.
Attachment is a beautiful thing.
It doesn’t always come easy when fostering, however. We have had more that one kiddo that I have had to be on my knees begging God to help me attach to them… to love them how He loves them. But it is worth it.
To those that feel they would get too attached to kiddos if they were to foster… YOU are who we need. YOU would be a perfect foster family. Because you want to attach, you want to shower these kids with love and affection. And that is what they need.
For some kids this is the first true attachment they’ve had. With our little guy we have right now that is absolutely the case. Having picked him up from the hospital at 28 hours old, I am mom to him, my husband is his dad, our daughters are his sisters. He knows nothing else.
He deserves to be attached to. He deserves to be looked in the eye and told that he is LOVED by us. He deserves to have me with a camera in his face trying to catch some of those incredible first smiles. He deserves to have someone making a fit with DHS because he had too many visits with too many strangers in one week that caused over stimulation and separation anxiety. He deserves to have those cute monthly pictures taken of him. He deserves to be doted on, to be answered to, to be held and rocked and worn. He deserves it all.
And that is attachment.
That is love.
That is foster care.
We wear our hearts on our selves. We know the heartbreak will come. We know his time with us is relatively short. We know all these things. And it is rather difficult at times to stay in the moment and to be present, knowing what the future holds. But it’s a choice to say those things will NOT get in the way of attaching. Because my life, my emotions, my heartbreak is certainly not more important than his.
So next time you think “there’s no way I could foster… I’d get too attached”… maybe think about the other side. Maybe think about the little girl or little boy on the other side BEGGING to have someone to attach to.
Maybe try putting their life first, before yours.
I bet it’ll change your perspective.