Surrender. 

All to Jesus I surrender

All to Him I freely give

I will ever love and trust Him

In His presence daily live

All to Jesus I surrender

Humbly at His feet I bow

Worldly pleasures all forsaken

Take me, Jesus, take me now,

I surrender all

I surrender all

All to Thee my blessed Savior

I surrender all

All to Jesus I surrender

Make me Savior wholly thine

May Thy Holy Spirit fill me

May I know Thy power divine
This song has been my anthem lately. Surrender. Jesus has been calling me to surrender it all. Myself, my husband, my kids, our journey fostering, our schedule, my agenda, these projects, everything. And just when I think I have, He shows me something else to surrender. 

It’s so freeing though, you know? When I surrender it all, a huge weight is lifted and I feel so much freer. It is so, so worth it. It’s tough to surrender, especially when you LOVE control. Neat, tidy, controlled life. But that’s not what He calls us to. He calls us to live radical lives. He calls us to love without boarders. He calls us to push and push outside of our comfort zone. 

But what happens when you surrender then things don’t go as planned? That’s when your willingness is tested. That’s when your true colors shine.

We were supposed to get our girl, M, back on Monday. We had gotten approval from everyone we needed to. We had completed the transition plan. We had several of her boxes moved. We had told Naomi she was moving back (to which she was EXSTATIC!). We were ready for her. Then she changed her mind. When she realized she had to say goodbye to her friends she decided she didn’t want to. So she didn’t move. And we continued to ride the emotional ride of fostering. DHS decided that M could do whatever she wants (because clearly a 9 year old can make responsible life altering decisions on her own). So she isn’t coming back. And now I’m tested once again as to whether or not I’ve got M surrendered to the Lord. I make the choice again to surrender her, then I keep on singing my anthem just with a bit of a bruised heart.